I was so afraid that I thought of postponing going to church. I felt like the greatest sinner in the world—the daughter of a pastor.
“Ann!” Janet called me after noticing that I had no intention of telling her what exactly was going on.
“My name!” I answered in a low tone without looking at her.
“Kuna shida gani. Leo ni Sunday na hufai kunificha anything. Can you please open up and tell me what is ailing you?” Janet asked in the most concerned way she could afford. “Tangu uone hiyo text sura yako ilichange sana.”
“Niko poa Janet. Ni hizi text ndefu ndefu tu watu hufordiana. Zimeniboo sana.” I lied to her.
“Poa basi. But usiwe ukinuna hivyo sana, especially on a Sunday like this. You should wear a smile on your face,” she said, trying to cheer me up.
I thought of Janet’s words. I thought of smiling, but the worry in me could not allow. I was so worried that I wished everything would come to a standstill. My heart was beating faster. I was one hundred percent sure that my dad had seen that photo. I hated everything about me, especially the relationship I had with Jack. I hated myself for having taken his photo. “I wish I had not taken it,” I tried to regret.
Rev. Ken and his wife were busy speaking. I could hear their voices, though I could not understand the exact words. My mind was very far. I could not figure out what was actually going on. The music was playing in the car. I kept thinking and imagining how my dad would react. That was one among the many sins that my dad used to warn me about.
We arrived at the church when it was barely a few minutes to the start of the service. It was a big church in the heart of the city. The congregation was also huge—almost thrice the number that attended my dad’s church. It was well-equipped with almost all musical instruments and sound systems. It was well-decorated from the compound to the inside of the church.
“Ann, follow me to the praise and worship team,” Janet said as we entered the church. She was pulling my hand. I saw Mrs. Ken nod her head, trying to encourage me to join the team.
“Leo siko ready, Janet!” I tried to resist. I was not willing to join the praise and worship team because of the issues that were eating my head slowly.
