One subject that concerns millions of people across the global is marriage. It seeks to define marriage for individuals, family, community, social institutions, religion and moral institutions. The subject of marriage elicits deep thought and heated discussion because its understanding shapes its implication and applications that shape the characters of society in the church and society. Christians develop understanding of marriage based on what the bible teaches about it. But since Christians share the world with people of other religions as well as non-religious communities, they need to know what the world around them understands marriage to be.
Self-understanding is a must. An understanding of other people who share the same space is not an option. In addition to established institutions that regulate common life, Christian understanding of marriage responds to challenges that confront any society. Whatever the understanding of marriage a person may have, many people long to be married; But what is marriage?
Christian marriage is a union between two people, a man and a woman who share a common belief In the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, officiated by a duly registered and appointed Christian minister, authorized to solemnize marriages by the government of the country. Marriage is a spiritual function that must be equally legalized by the government to incorporate benefits and privileges that arise from accompanying marital responsibilities and privileges that the society recognizes, accepts and practices.
A marriage is a personal and private affair but a covenant commitment between a woman and a man in public. It involves other people in society for the security of the couple and the wellbeing of their off-springs. Marriage may not be entered lightly but thoughtfully concerning its meaning and implications for the couple in the family and society. Marriage must take into consideration faith, moral, social and ethical responsibilities as the impact and are impacted by the world about them.
We have the question concerning who may marry, does everybody need to be married? Are there people who are disqualified for marriage? For sure there are people who do not need to be married and for whom marriage does not need to be considered. Those people include those who demonstrate lack of interest in being part of a marriage institution. They are men and women who admire persons who get married without interest in getting married. Some Christians think of unmarried persons as either incomplete or unwholesome. This is unfair and uncalled for because such attitude is not built on scriptures. It may be built on some African cultural attitudes that portray unmarried as still young even when the singles are old enough to be grandparents. Culture must never be imposed on the gospel of Jesus Christ which the church lives to proclaim in the world.
Gospel readers will remember that there are reports of Jesus visiting Mary and Martha the two sisters of Lazarus. For Mary, Martha and Lazarus, there was no indication that they had spouses. If marriage was so important to the gospel, the writers of the New Testament would have highlighted its importance.  It is most likely that the three siblings mentioned here were singles. Jesus had told Peter that marriage and family are some of the things one could be called to forgo in the pursuit of Christian discipleship whose highest reward was eternal life in the age to come. It is most likely that Paul the greatest apostle of Jesus in the early Christianity, was either single, widowed, separated, or divorced. There is no record of him accompanied by a wife. Indeed, most New Testament readers believe that Paul was single for the sake of the gospel. And if Paul, Martha, Mary and Lazarus among others could have been single, what business would modern Christians have to condemn those who are single? In fact, singlehood frees the servant of God to spend energies, time and other resources spent on marriage to Christian service.
The story of modern Christian missions cannot be told without narrating output of Christian single men and women who gave their lives to serve as single nuns, priests, ministers, doctors, nurses, teachers, accountants and administrators for whom marriage and family was the school, hospital and mission center. So why condemn singlehood? It deserves celebration because the single are able to give service to the child in a school or patient in a hospital without being stressed by divided loyalty between catering for spouse and children on the one hand and school or hospital on the other. Each servant of God needs to be clear in his mind what God calls him or her to be whether in the married life or in singlehood. Both are legitimate and can be fulfilling.
For people who are sure that God desires that they enter into marriage, there are things to be taken into consideration. First, they need to be of sound mind and capable of making sound decisions. Marriage decisions are not valid for people with unstable mind or sick persons. In the same way persons under age, below the age of 18 are not considered by law to be capable of making sound decisions for marriage. The law also takes into considerations relations between persons desiring to be married. Parents cannot marry children, siblings are forbidden by law to be married. Even marriage between cousins is out of bounds. The law outlaws such marriages for the purpose of preventing inbreeding that produces unhealthy babies. These too are expressions of Christian ethical and social practices that must be honored.
Questions are also asked whether there is a limit in the age gap between a man and a woman wishing to be married once the intending couples are above 18 years of age. What worries many young men is whether they can marry women who are older. The bible and Christian theology gives no instruction on the age gap between a husband and wife. It only requires the couple to be submissive to each and each to deliberately consider the needs of the other so that nobody marries for selfish reasons but ministry each to the other. And if the husband and wife are blessed with children, they are required to raise them in a godly upbringing that would make their children disciples and servants of God and Christ Jesus.  Marriage is for the honor of God and the spouse. The challenge those wanting to be married have is identifying who they love without fear, who they would enjoy to spend the rest of lives together, who they would be proud to be mother or father of their children, and who they want to team with to serve God in the world as long as both of them live. Marriage is about service to God in the world.
But where does a Christian go to look for marriage partners?   Potential suitors for marriage are found all over where human beings interact with each other. The first thing is to identify the sort of man or woman one looks for in marriage. Failure to identify one’s heart desire would mean any one would do. God has one fitting your description. Women and men of faith and character are there. They are in the church, fellowship, professional meetings and some can be found through matchmakers who know what men are looking for women. The world of courtship has changed greatly in the last few years, but you can believe that there is one God has prepared for you. For the youth, there are millions of young people searching and praying. For the elderly, the space is full of singles who missed marriage when they were young and they are still waiting. There are also those who have become available for marriage through misfortunes of widowhood, others were married but were forced into singlehood through abandonment by their wives or husbands. The list goes on. Unless one has a calling to be single, God has created ample marriage opportunities for those in need. For those who had misfortunes in life, our gracious God has not abandoned them. God speaks strong words concerning marriage and the married “Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral” (Hebrews 13:4). Marriage is an expression of love and service and a commitment to a lifelong union and a covenant, let it remain so now and always. Amen.
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