Parenting, according to Merriam Webster Dictionary means
1: Raising of a child by its parents
2: The act or process of becoming a parent
3: The act of taking care of someone in the manner of a parent.
It is taking responsibility to train a child and help them grow in their different stages, from cradle to adulthood or maturity. The Bible admonishes us to train our children well; Proverbs 22: 6 Train up a child in the way he should go,[a]And when he is old he will not depart from it.
Parenting is a very noble task, bestowed on us parents by the master creator. He is the one who blesses with offspring. We have the pleasure of being co-creators with the master of the universe, The God of all creation. Parenting is not to be taken lightly; we have the task of moulding the next generation. It is our duty to bring them up in Godly virtues. From when they are tiny babes to when they attain the age of maturity. We must inculcate in them the norms and values that will ensure they become noble citizens.
It is the desire of every parent to see their child grow into a responsible child, young adult and ultimately a matured adult. Different parents approach parenting differently. Some are strict, others are friendly, approachable, and flexible. There is a benefit for different styles and a downside to them too.
For example, if one is so strict their children will fear to express themselves and they may avoid topics which could bring about friction and may even get into trouble and not involve their parents for fear of being punished or being reprimanded. This could result into rebellion at a later stage. This could backfire; they may even lie to avoid being punished. It may begin at home, later in school, even at workplace and generally in their spaces or environment. The children of a friendly relaxed parent can be confident friendly and reliable. They can also be overconfident, unruly and without boundaries because they are not used to control. This type of children can be fun to be around or spoilt.
Parenting is work. One can never take it for granted. It is good for parents to embrace a combination of both strict and flexible styles of parenting, so that they they do not need to be overly strict or
overly flexible.
When babies are small it is easy to just feed ,clean, change their diapers, play and put them to bed. When they reach school going age, their needs change. You begin to nature them in homework supervision, try to pick their minds about how they relate with their friends, classmates, agemates, teachers and their superiors. It is from that point that one can start seeing the progress of growth and check what needs to be corrected and checked. Sometimes they will pick good habits or bad language from their friends or neighbors and so you as a parent can correct that in good time. It is also at this point one can encourage and applaud the good behavior, reward, or discourage it, and punish slightly for correction. The Bible puts it clear that it is in order to not spare the rod.( The rod does not always mean spanking but can be corrective measures taken) Here are some scriptures supporting discipline of children;
Proverbs 13:24 Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Proverbs 29:15 The rod and reproof give wisdom, but a child left to himself brings shame to his mother.
Proverbs 29:17 Discipline your son, and he will give you rest; he will give delight to your heart.
Proverbs 22:15 Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline drives it far from him.
I know the world has changed greatly as it always does but the Bible has not changed and will not change because truth does not change. There has been a lot of debate about how to correct children without spanking; well, that may vary from parent to parent. Growing up some of us were literally spanked we are still here (I mean we didn’t die). If I am honest, I also did some spanking when my children were small and insensitive but not anymore. After their initial years a glance at was enough to alert someone of a mistake. I am not in any way advocating for it; everyone has their way of dealing with indiscipline. That was my way, but it does not have to be anyone else’s way. Now we joke about it with my children; my daughter (now a young adult) the other day said I used to be a terrorist and I told her she used to be hyperactive and could jump into problems anytime, any day without hesitation; we had quite a laugh!
On asking her about the different me nowadays she said, “Now mom you are a cool mom, or should I call you super mom, my best friend and confidant who always has my back, you have stood with us in prayer and taught us how not to panic in difficult situations but to pray.” It is very important to teach children to pray in their early stages. Parents should endeavor to instill prayer as a discipline when they are quite young. They have their way of learning that prayer helps. It is a great idea to teach them that prayer is talking to God, and they can talk to him any time anywhere; either loudly or quietly (inaudibly in some situations) in their hearts. Let them know that they can tell God everything even their secrets and that they approach God anytime even when their parents are not nearby. Introduce them too, to the Word of God in their early years.
In the teenage years parents sometimes find themselves in difficult situations and it can be an uphill task. This is the time children are forming a personality. They change, have mood swings, can be hot tempered and can also be very understanding and cooperative. It is a stage a parent should realize that they are no longer babies. A parent should realize there are adjustments they need to make to accommodate the young teenage or adult that is forming. This is a time one cannot afford to be dictating everything but to include them in decisions concerning them. This calls for a lot of flexibility, keeping them close, letting them know you trust them to make some decisions on their own, allowing them to learn from their mistakes too.
Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.
It is never easy to tell them not to do the things they see you doing. They watch you every step of the way. Someone said they learn with their eyes more than they learn with their ears. It is not what you say but what you show what matters. Always keep in mind that you are their role model and ask yourself; what am I modelling to my child or children? For example, I have seen parents who drink, or smoke and they expect their children not to indulge in such activities. Some are my very close relatives. A father who drinks and then the son is caught carrying beer in school or is drunk and when they are asked, they say but my dad drinks! A niece also said they thought their dad was the coolest smoking Embassy Kings and wanted to emulate him and tried to smoke (be cool). She did try a few times, but realized that there is nothing cool in smoking, and thankfully the habit did not stick.
Parents should be careful about encouraging sibling rivalry. It may begin with just overlooking or allowing them to compete for attention. All children have different abilities and are unique. Some may be high achievers in school than others but that does not make them special among their siblings. I have had the opportunity to interact with children in different stages of life. Some say their parents gauge them with either their elder sibling who is an A student, which breeds low self esteem on the one who is nor performing as well. Other parents favor the children who help in chores or who are ready to help or who are better in co-curriculum activities eg. sports. Some also have favorites especially here in Kenya Africa, where a parent will tend to favor the small one and overlook their indiscipline issues. This could be a problem in their later years if not checked.
Parenting is tough but besides its low and highs, it has its joys too. Here is a little poem to encourage all parents:
Parenthood had I known it would be this good, I would have embarked on this journey much earlier. Parenthood, parenthood oh what a delight it imparts. From little babes to stranding adults, we have the pleasure of watching our offspring grow. Parenthood, parenthood had I known it would be this good I would have embarked on this journey much earlier. The tiny babe I held in my arms is now towering over me. A strong bright man he has become. My beautiful flowers are now elegant young ladies. Oh, what a joy parenthood is, it is total bliss. An enjoyable journey parenthood has been. It earns you a place to celebrate the moments. And memories are made as each child’s milestones.
In different stages are different joys. Begins with joy at their first time smile, and then they crawl another step comes, then the first step, the first tooth off, then teenage steps, then more and more.
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