Living At Peace With Each Other – Part 2
So Nkanga is back to work in the city, she goes to the same church as her sister, who is part of the reason why she was thrown out of home. She has gone through God’s word and found three ways of handling a matter:
- Do not continue worshipping with a hurting heart. Give priority to relationship over acts of worship (Mathew 5:23-24)
- Confront your brother that has wronged you in three levels. First, alone, just the two of you. If they hear you the matter is resolved, it ends there. Secondly, if they don’t listen to you take someone else so you are three. If you cannot resolve it, at that point you can involve the church. Thirdly, involve the church if that does not work. Finally, if it cannot be resolved the matter can be escalated beyond the church.
- If it does not concern you or the other person personally, you still are obliged to help an erring saint back to their feet.
Having considered the above now, she can draw her strategy for handling the matter.
First, she decided to courageously confront her parents.
She did. That was one year later. She told them her version of the story. It was not as bad as they had been told. The parents apologized for being so insensitive and for throwing her out, based on hearsay. That ended one year of separation and animosity with her parents.
The next issue was to deal with Sister Rebecca.
Calling her aside, she said. “Sister Rebecca, I do not need to tell you what you’ve done to me. You know how my parents have treated me the last one year. All because you told then lies about me…” She shocked for words.
“I cannot withdraw the words you said to me. I cannot remove the consequences of your action. Sometimes I have contemplated revenging…” She shocked her again.
“But today I want you to know, I have chosen to forgive you. I forgive you Rebecca. I forgive you.”
As she finished saying this, Rebecca went to her knees and begged. “I am sorry. Please forgive me. I was very wrong. If you can please forgive me”
Nkinga repeated. “I have”
A big burden was lifted and fellowship restarted.
The Bible says, even our prayers would be hindered if we do not have understanding between spouses. (1 Peter. 3:7).
In God’s eyes our relationship, whether with spouses, family member or a general member of God’s family is very important. He would rather we build the relationship than spend time with him when our brothers or spouses are hurting. For that will not please God.
Now let us look at Seven different ways of bringing reconciliation in our relationships.
- Get the log out of your eye (Matt.7: 3–7).
Do not justify yourself and develop a scheme to get your way, find out if you too have faults to deal with. Do you have any responsibilities in the situation?
This will help you see things more clearly, overlook minor offenses, and take responsibility for your contributions to the dispute.
Before you talk to others about their faults, you need to face up to yours. Once you have dealt with your contribution to a conflict, you may approach other about theirs.
So, have you been so hurt by someone in your family, church or community? Don’t sit there and hope things will somehow get better. Solve the problem.
- Overlook Offense
Some wrongs are of insignificance nature and it is useless to spend time on them. They ale best resolved by quietly and deliberately overlooking the offense and forgiving the person who has wronged you.
This is how God treats us (Ps. 103: 8-10). He does not harshly deal with us every time we sin. As long as the sins don’t cause you to feel differently about the offending person or harm God’s or other people reputation – you can forget it!
A woman is brought to Jesus in John 8: some Pharisees caught her in the very act of adultery. They did not bring the man but also their intentions were not to promote righteousness. It was for a trap to Jesus. They wanted Jesus to endorse her stoning.
If Jesus endorsed the stoning, they would accuse him of being anti the Roman government, which had outlawed punishment by stoning. Similarly, if he did not, they would accuse him of not following the Law of Moses that required such people to be stoned to death.
In response, however, Jesus challenged those among them who had no sin to throw the first stone. This caused guilt on all they left one by one starting from the oldest.
There is no record that other than the humiliation she got, the woman repented or asked for forgiveness. But Jesus forgave her nevertheless, “Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more.” Jesus overlooked the wrong.
In John, Jesus meets Peter after the resurrection. You remember Peter denied Jesus three times in the hardest of times. There is no scriptural record that Peter confessed to Jesus his wrongs.
But Jesus asked peter a different question; “do you love me?” Each time he pointed him to the work for which he had called him “feed my sheep”.
In other words, Jesus choose to overlook Peter’s denial and restore him to office without making a big deal of the matter.
We follow his example.
If you choose to overlook an offense, then you must make a commitment not to dwell on it or use it in the future. Once you choose to overlook – it is over!
- Accept that what has happened, has already taken place and that it may never be reversed.
There are a few things that you should do in order to feel right.
- Know that God forgives all your sins and heals all your sickness [Psalms 103:3). He does not forgive some sins and leave others. He forgives all. If you sincerely confess your sins before him, he will forgive you.
- Forgive and accept yourself
The worst thing that you can do is to fail to forgive yourself. Failure to forgive yourself will give the devil a chance to keep speaking discouraging and oppressing words to you. Accept what happened has already happened and confess it to God. For example, when King David sinned against God and had Uriah murdered, he accepted and pleaded to God for forgiveness and God forgave him. (2 Sam.12: 13).
- Forgive whoever it is that has wronged you.
Every human is prone to temptations. The Bible tells us to pray to be forgiven as we forgive those who trespass against us. In other words, the extent of our forgiveness by God is determined by how much we forgive others. Failure to forgive your husband will affect your being right before God.
- Talk to a trusted friend or counselor.
I believe that there are many things I cannot put into writing but one can express when talking face to face.
- Never build on the scar.
David was forgiven but Uriah did not resurrect, the child died. This was a permanent mark in the King’s life. Some sins leave a scar behind. A scar does not hurt and is not painful; only that it reminds one of what was there. The devil always wants to make us think back by the view of scars. Ignore it as much as possible and focus on the work of Jesus on the cross.
Finally remember if you do not forgive that person, he/she will continue to hurt you because you have not RELEASED YOURSELF from the past.
Forgiveness is the only way to stop the pain.
You may never undo the hurt done e.g., by gossip, slander, etc. But forgiveness does mean you resolve to live with the consequences of another’s sins.
